Goodbyes Are Never Easy

I just got home from one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.

We all know death is synonymous with cancer, but when you see a good person and friend suffering at the end of their fight it feels even more like an atrocity.

In early 2013, during my chemotherapy  I began distributing Cancer Care Packs to patients in the chemo room fighting beside me. During one of those”Care Pack Runs” I met Zac and his mom. Zac was my age, just barely 30, and fighting colon cancer that had metastasized to his liver. Zac and I connected through our shared struggle of battling cancer at a young age, and I grew particularly close to his mother who I loved through prayer and frequent conversation.

This past Monday I received word that Zac was put on Hospice. As I left the Cancer center today, where Zac and I first met, I received a text from his mother stating  Hospice said he was fading  fast, and asked if I would come to see him. My strength and FAITH immediately felt faulty, and I was overcome with emotions, anger, and grief.

During my 45 minute drive to Norman I prayed for strength. I wanted to be strong for Zac and his family as they’d shown such grace and strength through a very unfair situation. No amount of prayer, however, can prepare you for the first time you lay eyes on a friend who is very near death. Zac had gotten so bad so quickly, and at that moment I almost wasn’t sure what to say.

I had stopped on the way down to buy Zac a “Clinging Cross”. It is something I used during my own suffering, and made to easily grip in your hands. It also comes with a poem…

“When my mind is fuzzy and eyes filled with tears, I will think about your suffering Lord and now that you are near”. When I recited those words Zac quietly said, “boy I need to hear that”.

As I placed the cross in Zac’s frail hand and gripped it tightly between mine I began to do the only thing I could, pray…

“Lord you are limitless, you are not bound by death, or cancer, or any trial we face on this Earth. Lord you love my friend Zac, and have promised him a Heaven that is so perfect it is beyond comprehension, and our wildest dreams. Lord, you overcame death on the cross, and the evil that thought it had won when you were crucified, dead, and buried. You conquered death and rose again, promising to go before us and make a place for all who believe in you, and ask for forgiveness. Lord be near Zac, send your best angels to bring Him into your presence. His fight has inspired many”.

Until we meet again someday Zac!

Tarah

These are just the beginning of all that he does, merely a whisper of his power. Who, then, can comprehend the Thunder of His Power? Job 26:14