Fight Like a Girl

Because you are my help I sing in the shadow of your wings.

 I CLING to you; your right hand upholds me.

Psalms 63: 7-8

Benjamin and I were watching OKC vs Houston playoff game 4 on Monday night ( If you weren’t you should have been). It was a great game, and has become an intense playoff series since one of our best players, Russel Westbrook, was hurt during a lame move by Houston. Still in true Thunder fashion we have rallied, and will face off with Houston again in game 5 tonight. After the game ended on Monday Benjamin asked me if I was going to watch game 5 even though I would have chemo that day. If you would have been in our living room you would have seen my eyes widen, but inside something ensued that I have never experienced before. My body had a physical reaction to the idea of more chemo looming, and suddenly, minus nausea, my body felt like it had just been pumped full of chemo. 

The experience kind of rocked me, and anxiousness pursued. As we were getting in bed I noticed Benjamin was extremely tired as my husband often is from the 12-15 hour days he puts in at work. Sometimes working so much makes him a little loopy right before his head hits the pillow, and in that tiredness he began to sing a song (we like to sing around our house). It was a tune I have not heard in many years, and although he was putting different words to the song (we like to make up songs too) the message came on loud and strong, and I sang it to myself several times through that evening. Some of you may know it and some may not, but the old hymn speaks truth.

                                        “He’s got the whole world in His hands”

                                         He’s got the mamas and the papas in His hands

                                         He’s got the itty bitty babies in His hands

                                         He’s got YOU and ME brother in His hands

                                         He’s got the WHOLE WORLD in His hands”

Kind of hard to fathom and cynics will ask how is this even possible, but ask and you will receive.

Today is the beginning of the end, and instead of pondering on doubt and suffering I will rejoice with hope, peace, and love. I have chemo May 1st, 2nd, and 9th, which will complete cycle six. After that I will take my chemo pills and have an infusion once every three weeks for maintenance, which is minor in comparison to the cycles I am enduring now. Maintenance chemo lasts for about an hour and currently each infusion in a cycle lasts about six hours. In addition, for maintenance I will not experience as intense side effects as I have learned to anticipate with each cycle, so today really marks the beginning of the end.

Go today and be encouraged that He has you by the hand, and that is just where He wants to be, walking side by side each of us. Someday we will now how someone we have never seen can do this, but for now we must have faith.