Love and Cancer

Benjamin and I in Crested Butte, CO August 2012. I had my first appointment with a specialist two weeks after getting home from this amazing trip

I have been feeling a lot better over the last twenty-four hours, and the nausea has left for the most part. Friday started kind of a tough. I woke up with more strength then I have had, but honestly just did not feel like having a fighting spirit. Obviously my body has grown weary and my desire to have the abilities and energy as I did before Cancer was immense. When surrounded by darkness, as we all are at times,  sometimes your mind deviates from where you want it to be giving in to what you would “hashtag” blah day!

Attempts I made at refocusing were like a revolving door that continues to end at feeling downtrodden. Watching the coverage about the manhunt in Boston didn’t help, but I couldn’t stop watching. It was as if I was watching a battle between good and evil, and evil had an upper hand which was how I felt.

Benjamin got home from work, and as we had discussed earlier he gave me the second haircut of our marriage. During the haircut I was attuned to how good it felt to have a nice day to sit outside and be in each other’s company. Feeling blessed I prayed. I prayed in thankfulness for what I’ve been given, for a better outlook, an ability to refocus, and forgiveness. I decided in those moments to be happy and cling to Light.

Soon after my prayers Benjamin asked me on a date, I gladly accepted even though getting out is a little tough, and getting ready is pretty much not existent. Still I tried to dress in something I could wear, had a sweet momento around my neck, and decided to go somewhere we used to frequent when  dating. It was a special night together, and I am attuned to Benjamin’s attentiveness to my care in a different way when we are out in public. We walk slower and with more caution, but also hold tighter too. A sweet couple noticed Benjamins love and care for me, and attempted to pay the bill in secret until we locked eyes with one another. The night was made even more memorable by a sweet blessing, an extension of kindness,  an act of love.  How can we all love one another better today?